Seagull-phobia invades Albany

Splat! A new sweater is ruined as a seagull soars overhead, victorious, while its victim sits on the stairs of the amphitheater, wailing in despair.

How big is the seagull problem at Albany High? Walking to class after lunch, a noticeable number of seagulls hover around the amphitheatre, and a noticeable number of students can be seen with their hands or books over their heads, rushing to class, hoping nothing wet lands on their heads.

What can the students of this seagull-infested school do to prevent getting pooped on? We must realize that the enormous amount of trash left by students is what attracts the seagulls in the first place. Just think: that greasy slice of pizza you left unfinished at lunch might find itself landing on another student, though obviously in a more digested form.

If you are unwilling to stop throwing your unfinished lunch around, aka seagull food, here’s another solution: Don’t eat lunch at school. Go to Solano, go home, just go somewhere else; somewhere seagull-free.

I always go home for lunch, and personally cannot comprehend why someone would want to share a lunch spot with a bunch of loose-bladdered birds.

Junior Aidan Meyer relays a story about his dealing with the birds his freshman year. He had brought an umbrella to school for protection against falling feces. His friends, umbrellaless, ran for cover under the lunch shelter, and Meyer, thinking himself safe, gave them a thumbs-up. However, his hand stuck out from under his umbrella, and right at that moment, his hand was pooped on. Karma? Or just irony?

When we look at the facts, however, we see that being pooped on is not that common. “The seagulls don’t come until after lunch,” says junior Janie Gu, who sits on the Cubes to eat. It’s basically the thought of being pooped on that has so many students panicked.

With this to consider, will you keep your lunch on campus, forever in fear of having that new sweater ruined, or will you take your lunch a few mere minutes away, and eat without having to deal with the notion of birds bombing you?

The choice is yours…

6 Responses

1. 5:17 PM on December 15th, 2007Jose:

   Use a trashcan, you idiot highschoolers! OMGa they make me so mad. They being other people who refuse to take care of their refuse.

2. 8:27 AM on December 17th, 2007...:

   yea…something wet from the sky landed and hit my backpack..

3. 8:56 AM on December 18th, 2007pppppp:

   less trash-less birds. use da trashcans, dey r useful.

4. 8:16 AM on December 20th, 2007.........:

   i know itz happened to most of my friends. always something from the sky landing in treir backpacks, heads, sweaters or hoods

5. 11:01 PM on December 21st, 2007Someone:

   Seagull Representative: “Karma? You bet. Remember Hiroshima and Nagasaki? It’s payback time.”

6. 6:59 PM on March 7th, 2008Bird Expert Professional:

   I would like to inform “Someone” that Seagullious flyius is not Japanese.

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