Everything you don’t need to know about college

“Eric, have you considered your college life and career?” I’ve gotten enough e-mails with that in the subject line to last me a lifetime. In the last month, four or five of these have been coming daily, many from colleges I’ve never even heard of.

Thanks to putting my e-mail address on my PSAT, Champlain, NYU, SMU, UW, Carleton, Tulane, Roosevelt, and University of Florida at Miami, among others, have contacted me. Most of them contain an opening line much like the one above, and then a few paragraphs that make the colleges sound less like school, and more like a four-year resort destination where the learning is incidental. I’ve heard more about their local recreation, nightlife, restaurants, and natural wonders than anything about the academics.

It seems like an unlikely collision between capitalism and academia, but look at the times. Electronics are marketed as a lifestyle, diets and healthy eating are marketed as trends, and the phone aspect of cell phones are secondary features to cameras and mp3 players. To the marketing people, my generation must be a cash cow looking for an exciting (and possibly educational) place to be milked.

“It’s tough to get bored at Carleton. You can play Ultimate Frisbee (Carleton teams compete–and win–nationally), go for a run in the Cowling Arboretum (we call it The Arb), and enjoy a movie and a cup of cappuccino with friends. Or just chat with your roommates (Carleton conversations are never boring).”

The above statement came in an email last week from Carleton College. After reading it, I was a changed man. I cross the days off my calendar, and every day, I know I’m one day closer to Carleton. And once I’m there, I’m never leaving. Sorry Albany, but I’m ditching this one horse town for scenic Northfield…Minnesota?

If colleges are as excited to have me there as their e-mails would suggest, perhaps a list of potential scholarships would entice me more than a travel brochure for northern Minnesota. In my parents’ generation, any promotional material from colleges was a course catalog with a picture of the campus. Now, it would appear that Club Med: Minnesota is sending me a vacation deal.

Thanks to e-mail, we can have media thrown at us at an alarming rate. And not just words, but pictures, video, and links to other pictures and video. And with the touch of a button, the message can be sent to a mile-long list of unsuspecting high school students. The way I see it, if they were going to spend 39 cents sending me a hard copy, would they really be telling me the number of Frisbees per capita on campus?

Were I more concerned with the fact that I have no idea what their tuition is, nor their admissions requirements, I’d send an email saying “Talk is cheap. Send cash for tuition.” But just the idea of 1.9 Frisbees per capita just sells me on the college.

You can have your Cals and Stanfords, I’ll be in the Arb.

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