A Pretty Chill Day

Washington, D.C. – Science Bowl Day 4 – May 2, 2009

Today was a pretty chill day. In the morning we all went to a series of lectures. In one of the interactive lectures, I was called upon to answer a question, but I respond so blatantly wrong that the scientific geniuses think I’m hella dumb. Well, I got a ruler in pity.

In the first lecture, our entire team fell asleep. Although it was about science, which happens to be a common fetish of ours (note to all the ladies out there), we all succumbed to sleep.

After these lectures, we got to do the first part of the actual competition that would determine the winner in an event of tie. Our score was lower than Dow Jones and the air pressure during El Nino. We aren’t going to go into the details because we are embarrassed and the details of the experiment still confound us.

Once again we were shamed in front of the scientific community.

We had another scrimmage with a team from South Carolina. Amazingly enough, people actually live there (contrary to popular belief). One of the guys was even Indian. Exotic! We plated them like galvanized zinc. This was the first scientific achievement since this trip began. In other words we were like a hyper-toxic solution to their plant cells. If you know what I mean. Yeah, like that.

We showed up at 7:30 for a meeting that started at 7:00. We were ushered to the front row where the director of the Science Bowl disdainfully asked why we were 30 minutes late in front of the entire Science Bowl. We eventually apologize but we could never save our reputation with the other teams.

At Lunch, while I was eating a saltine, Corwin told me a scientific factoid: “Did you know you cannot eat seven saltine crackers in under 20 seconds?” He just had to use the pronoun you. He was obviously challenging my manhood. I return a minute later with a pile of saltines, a glass of water, and iron determination.

After about 22 seconds, I realized Corwin was right. I couldn’t form a bolus, if you know what I mean. So I ended up finishing them in a minute and two seconds.

Later that day, unprompted, another Science Bowler told me it is impossible to eat five saltines in under a minute. Elise was quick to let him know I finished seven in a minute two. Elise rhyolites.

One of us, who will to remain anonymous to protect his identity, got rejected after using a line that is practically infallible. “Short Answer, do you want to kiss me?” Apparently it does not work too well. Good thing this anonymous Science Bowler still has tricks up his sleeve such as: “I wish I were a crown of thorns sea star so I could nibble on your polyps.” With lines like these, next time has to be a success.

So, tomorrow, we are doing the bulk of the main competition. Wish us luck (actually by the time you are reading this, the competition will be over and we would already be champions but you can read anyways).

I, and the rest of the Science Bowl team, apologize for representing Albany High so terribly.

– Benji Kessler

No comments yet.

Leave a Comment

All comments are moderated. If your comment contains profanity or libelous content, please don't waste our time.

Name: Some basic HTML allowed

Your comment will be posted when it is approved.